Pause a moment…
If you’re at home, look around; take it all in. Notice your response. Are you o.k. with what you see; with what it makes you feel? Is it what you really want? (You could do this exercise with any area of your life.)
Chances are that for most of you the quick answer, if not an emphatic yes, would be some variation of “maybe”, “sure”, or “I guess so”. And that may be the extent of it. You move on to more pressing matters; you forget about it, although not completely.
You may find yourself drifting off, day dreaming; or maybe in your boredom you flip through magazines, online collections of photos, videos, slide shows, etc.. For most of us, desire for something better eventually overcomes our tolerance for the disagreeable. At some point our attention gets drawn to pleasure.
We all settle into and adapt to our surroundings regardless of how little we may actually be satisfied with the experience of being there – but rarely do we fully accept our dissatisfaction. In the course of adapting to that which dissatisfies, we risk becoming the victim of ennui. As boredom descends, escape beckons. And so we drift, perhaps daydream, drawn by the pleasure provided by wish lists and fantasies of dream objects, of things we would love to have or do, “if only”.
As we all know, such relief is all too fleeting. And yet there are many for whom it is sufficient. For them little seems to ever advance beyond those dreams and fantasies. Action, the kind needed to change the status quo, when the odds feel overwhelming, yields to a sense of futility. Dreaming becomes the end: “if only” fades into “someday” and from there, far too often, slips into never.
On the other hand, there are those with vision, not to mention, sufficient resources, confidence, desire, and commitment to take dreaming a step beyond, in some cases many steps.
“What if” becomes “what can be done?”. Wish lists become their launch pads. In one area in particular, the realm of home improvement, those lists and images are indispensable. But, they need to be brought into sharper focus. Instead of scattering ones efforts all over the map the search gets narrowed down to something more specific. For instance, my own Pinterest site offers one area of architectural possibilities. There are many others.
If the decision is made to hire an architect, these images play a significant role. In my role as that architect I find these personal collections to be portals through which a glimpse can be caught of the client’s personal view of life’s possibilities. For the client they’re the main points of reference in choosing what kind of home they want, what they want it to look and be like. As such, those favorite images are like the brush strokes of their self portraits.
Because of this, I find them important as a point of departure in the search for what fits the client best. Rather than being regarded as possibly arbitrary objects of escape and dead ends, instead they become vitally important tools of discovery and enhancement. Tools, but not ends in themselves.
Valuable to me as interior glimpses of client preferences and dreams, I also respectfully recognize in my capacity as their architect, that these examples are actually of things done previously by someone else, somewhere else. Except that now, as future possibilities, they may become over-zealously guarded by the client as treasured possessions. The risk here is that these wish lists may then morph into “I must have this” demands.
If you have ever hired or thought of hiring an architect to design something, you may find yourself protesting the implication of that last sentence. Why, you think, since it’s your money on the line, shouldn’t you have the right to expect to get what you want, by demanding it, if necessary. You certainly don’t want to be pressured into accepting something that seems wrong. You would be right, of course. And yet, and yet, you might also be limiting yourself, perhaps unnecessarily.
Images such as dream homes, no matter how lovely and compelling they might seem in the moment, how perfectly right they seem, are not, strictly speaking and by their nature, images of your present life and circumstances. They existed, instead, in another context most likely different from the one to which you hope they will eventually apply.
And yes, it is completely understandable that you, the client, wants to feel assured of getting what you want. Tackling something on the scale of designing a new home or just a part of one can seem like a frightening gamble, the outcome fully known only after completion.
Everyone tolerates that risk differently. Choosing from something familiar is usually experienced as a far more comfortable, low-risk option than attempting something new. It’s far easier and certainly a more normal response to ask for that with which you are most comfortable.
But, another risk is to wind up being short-changed. Trying to replicate or to otherwise transfer those wish list images onto something new – in this case a home or part of one yet to be built, and for you whose requirements and circumstances are, as with everyone, unique – interferes with the discovery of a more vital fit.
Trying to paste the past onto your future, trying to shoehorn a solution drawn from different circumstances, fails to fully respect who, in a very fundamental way, you really are. Your life is and always will be more than those images.
It would be in the best interest of anyone using images as guides to building design, to first try capturing the experience associated with those images instead of its literal content. It’s in this sense that dream homes and wish lists have their greatest value.
For those of you serious about taking the next step, converting your dreams of an ideal home into reality should above all take you to a place that’s truly yours, not someone else’s.
- Regardless of your reputation with yourself in such matters, always keep hope alive. Narcotic or not, day dreaming can be valuable.
- If you’re committed and ready to take the next step, take it.
- Know what you want, but allow for the as-yet-unknown. Remember that the images we respond to are directions, not destinations.
- If you happen to be risk-tolerant, allow for the unexpected. Allow for it anyway – it’s less stressful.
- Join creative forces with your architect on a journey of discovery. Mutual respect takes you the farthest.
- Be respectful of your right to say no when necessary.
- Reward yourself by aiming for the best possible.
- Your life is uniquely one of a kind and deserves to be respected that way. The form of respect may, at first, feel uncomfortable.
See also, my post: “A Path Least Traveled – Part 2…The Path – p.1”